Helloooo friends! Today I’m coming at ya with a most exciting review of “I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me” by Jamison Shea, which came out at the end of last month!
A digital ARC of “I Feed Her to the Beast” was provided to me by Fierce Reads via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own. Read on to check out the official synopsis of the book, my review, and a bit about the author!
Synopsis
There will be blood.
Black Swan meets House of Hollow in this villain origin story.
Laure Mesny is a perfectionist with an axe to grind. Despite being constantly overlooked in the elite and cutthroat world of the Parisian ballet, she will do anything to prove that a Black girl can take center stage. To level the playing field, Laure ventures deep into the depths of the Catacombs and strikes a deal with a pulsating river of blood.
The primordial power Laure gains promises influence and adoration, everything she’s dreamed of and worked toward. With retribution on her mind, she surpasses her bitter and privileged peers, leaving broken bodies behind her on her climb to stardom.
But Laure quickly learns she’s not the only monster around, and her vicious desires make her a perfect target for slaughter. As she descends into madness and the mystifying underworld beneath her, she is faced with the ultimate choice: continue to break herself for scraps of validation or succumb to the darkness that wants her exactly as she is—monstrous heart and all. That is, if the god-killer doesn’t catch her first.
From debut author Jamison Shea comes an edge-of-your-seat thriller that lifts a veil on the institutions that profit on exclusion and the toll of giving everything to a world that will never love you back.
My Thoughts
Wow. Wow wow wow wow. It has been a long while since I’ve read a YA thriller and was immediately obsessed with it, its intricacies, and its powerful themes.
The ballet world is something I’ve dabbled in across books, movies, and television. So I was aware of the disparities and inequities between those the ballet considers to be the perfect model of a ballerina, and those who don’t fit that traditional model. “I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast Is Me” gave me an even deeper dive into the harsh world of ballet from the point of view of a young Black girl, Laure, with an axe to grind who makes a deal with a river of blood in order to surpass her cutthroat privileged peers.
Right off the bat, we are shown the differences in treatment between Laure and her peers. We’re shown how she has to be the quiet, graceful, and agreeable ballerina in every situation, while her mainly white fellow ballerinas are allowed to be vocal, bitter, and more times that not, straight up nasty to one another. It automatically leads you to be on Laure’s side, even though we also see from the very start that Laure herself has some dark and angry thoughts about her peers. I found her very likable in the beginning of the book and didn’t mind her dark thoughts because that’s just how she is forced to navigate the world she is in.
However, the further I got into the book, the more I questioned if Laure was overstepping or maybe being too dark/evil in her thoughts. I never once disagreed with her in the fact that she should make her awful, bitter, privileged peers pay, but some of her thoughts got a little crazy sometimes. Although, even then, I still rooted for her. I still liked her. Especially because we are shown that while she has monstrous thoughts and feelings, she still has human feelings like love, hope, yearning. She still cares about people.
This became very apparent to me during a scene where Laure is at a memorial for someone, and that someone’s friends are recounting stories and memories about that person. Laure sat there in wonder while these stories were told, because she couldn’t fathom the acceptance these people had for their friend. She had never experienced this type of care from friends because her own alleged best friend, Coralie, sucks.
Coralie is the worst. From chapter one, I couldn’t stand the girl and I’m glad we aren’t meant to like her. No matter how much Laure thinks she cares about Coralie, I couldn’t.
Once Laure makes new friends, some outside of the ballet, was a turning point for me in the book. I loved Josephine, and Ciro, and Andor, and Keturah. I loved their acceptance for Laure, monstrous traits and all. Specifically Andor and Keturah. Those two are my actual favorites. From Andor’s poisonous garden and bouquets of flowers, to Keturah’s hair braiding, to them saving Laure time and time again. I LOVE THEM, YOUR HONOR.
Now onto some of the thriller/mystery/gore aspects of this book. Not once did I confidently know who the big bad was throughout the entire book until we are told, which made it so engaging for me to read. The descriptions of blood rivers, monsters, etc., were chef’s kiss in the thriller category. And the gore? Actually had me wincing. Something I found so impressive was the use of body horror in relation to the ballet and ballerinas. The gruesomeness of what ballet can do to one’s body made me wince more than any other body horror that took place.
The ending of this book was incredibly satisfying for me. Everything I needed to be wrapped up, got wrapped up. I came out of he book feeling a connection to Laure. I understand her anger and why she made the choices she did. I rooted for her, I hated her, and I loved her. I see her as so deeply human, despite everything that unfolded.
Other things I loved: found family tropes, THE ROMANCE SUBPLOT WE GOT YES PLEASE THANK YOU GIMME MORE, and the fantasy aspects.
I’m beyond happy with this book. I love these characters. And I am so excited for book two because that surprise at the end? Yes PLEASE.
★★★★☆ (4/5 stars)
About The Author
Jamison Shea was once a flautist, violist, anthropologist, linguist, choreographer, dancer, professional fire alarm puller, digital producer, and account executive—but they’ve always been a writer.
Born in Buffalo, NY and now surrounded by darkness and gloom in Finland, when Jamison isn’t writing horror, they’re drinking milk tea and searching for long-forgotten gods in eerie places.
They are currently represented by Jennifer March Soloway at Andrea Brown Literary Agency, Taryn Fagerness for foreign rights, and Mary Pender and Orly Greenberg at United Talent Agency for film/TV.
Selina Falcon 