The following contains spoilers for S5E02, “Chapter Eighty-Three,” of Jane The Virgin.
I’m just trying to live my best Jane and Rafael life, and Michael-Jason keeps ruining it. I was screaming at my TV throughout this entire episode, mostly of frustration towards the guy that both Jane and I wish had never come back.
Let’s just jump right into this and accept that the following is about to be a whole lot of word vomit and probably won’t make any sense unless you’re also a JTV stan.
So the beginning of the episode, Michael-Jason is being a total jerk constantly, and then makes no moves towards understanding how his little joke about pretending to remember his old life but actually giving the plot of an NCIS episode is HECKA. RUDE. He gets a small reprieve because yeah, we’re ALL expecting him to be Michael and when he’s not, it’s disappointing and that probably sucks, but HONESTLY. I LIKE MICHAEL BETTER NO OFFENSE.
Like, I was never actually Team Michael, but I certainly prefer him to Jason. But then I also really like Jason cause he’s not Michael and that gives Jane and Rafael the chance to really shine. IT’S SO HARD AND MESSY. THINGS REALLY WERE BETTER WHEN HE WAS DEAD AND WE HAD GRIEVED.
Anyway, Jane and Michael-Jason are still married and Jane feels guilty for wishing he’d never come back. I can’t even tell you the relief I felt when Jane admitted that to Raf, along with the fact that Jason kissed her. In 2019, we are here for being upfront and not skirting around things that could ruin your relationship. Yas, Jane.
Speaking of that kiss between Jane and Michael-Jason, who else saw it coming a mile away? As soon as Jane showed up on his door and he was willing to show her something in his life, I FREAKING KNEW THE WRITERS WERE ABOUT TO PLAY US. I KNEW THERE WAS ABOUT TO BE A FREAKING CONNECTION. I KNEW BY THE END OF THIS EPISODE, MICHAEL-JASON WAS GONNA BE A FREAKING JANE PERSON. I KNEW HE WASN’T ABOUT TO SIGN THOSE DIVORCE PAPERS AS SOON AS WE GOT CONFIRMATION FROM ALBA THAT SHE WAS OKAY WITH JANE GETTING A DIVORCE. I FREAKING KNEW IT AND I’M BIG MAD.
A direct quote from my notes during the kiss: “Oh. MY. GOD. OH. MY. GOD. OH MY GOD. NO NO NO. YOU’RE NOT MARRIED NO OMFG.”
Two favorite lines of this episode: “You’re making my cancer flare up,” said by Xiomara. A freaking QUEEN. And, “I promise this is not about you, it’s about me,” said by Rogelio, which actually got a genuine laugh out of me.
Mini theories: I only had one new mini theory during this episode. When we saw Michael’s old partner from the police station, now head of the Sin Rostro case? What if he’s working with Rose/was working with her? Maybe he orchestrated Michael’s death. Or at least helped. Potentially to get to Jane. (I know we were told that it was a totally random act done by Rose out of fear her identity would be discovered, but come on. Do we really believe that?) We were conveniently reminded within 30 seconds that he was both head of the case and had gone on a date with Jane. Then Rose’s reaction to Luisa working with the police was quite intense, even for her, maybe something went down between her and Michael’s partner. Who knows? Could happen. This is a telenovela after all.